Often when life presents us with decision-making opportunities, we find ourselves lost, unable to choose the right path to follow. In those moments, we look for guidance or advice. Who do you lean on to gain clarity at such times? Is it internal guidance or external influences that dictate your outcomes? Do you seek external direction from family, friends, or other authority sources or do you seek other ways to come to a decision? Whether it’s choosing a career, forming relationships, or shaping your identity, understanding where your motivations come from can profoundly impact your journey. This blog explores these two forces and their impact on our choices.
Traditionally, we are trained to defer to external authority voices. From childhood, we are told that those who are older or hold positions of authority know what we need or how we need to behave. We are taught to be externally-focused when we seek acceptance, and we are encouraged to reach out externally when we are looking for guidance. External influences come from family, friends, society, and culture. These influences are shaped as advice and expectations, which while they may be well-intentioned, may not always be aligned with our authentic selves. Some external influences can be positive, providing constructive feedback and exposing us to new ideas that expand your horizons. However, overreliance on external influences can also be toxic when it provides negative influences, such as the pressure to conform, fear of judgment, and societal norms that stifle individuality.
When we believe that wisdom and knowledge can only be found externally, we lose connection with the most powerful guidance system – our own divinity, which can only be found within. Much of the work I do in hypnotherapy consists of helping individuals reconnect with their internal guidance and develop a relationship with themselves that is grounded in common sense and wisdom. This is a critical step in creating powerful behavioral and life changes because it allows people to tune into what is authentic and healthy for them. Internal guidance is that voice within us that represents a combination of one’s instincts, values, and spiritual guidance. It is deeply personal and can be accessed through introspection, self-awareness, and intuition.
Should we dismiss all external guidance? No, not necessarily. We do not exist in a vacuum, and as social beings, it is natural for us to reach out to others when seeking direction and advice. However, it is important to give external voices a limited bandwidth so we can remain authentic to who we are and make decisions aligned with our unique path. While some external influences are inevitable, it is important to be aware of the impact that external sources have on our self-image, self-value, and decision-making. Being mostly externally-driven can lead to dissatisfaction, burnout, and a sense of losing oneself. On the other hand, listening to internal guidance, allows us to experience these:
- Alignment with core values (because our decisions reflect what truly matters to us)
- Purposeful actions (because our actions stem from our intrinsic motivations), and
- Resiliency (because we are likely to stick with the choices that resonate with our true selves).
So when making a decision, reflect on what leads you to take a certain step. Ask yourself if you are choosing to do something because it feels right or because it is expected of you. Assess if guidance that led to the decision is aligned with your personal goal, values, and needs. Seek advice from trusted mentors and peers, but remain grounded and true to your core. Use your internal compass to evaluate external influences and decide what is right for you. When you are ready to reclaim control over your decisions and your path, follow these simple guidelines:
- Set boundaries: Limit exposure to toxic influences, whether it’s overly critical people or unrealistic social standards. Just because your family or your community dictates that you should be or do things a certain way, make sure that it is aligned with your internal values.
- Seek inspiration, not validation: Let external input inspire your journey, but avoid using it as a measure of your worth. Develop a sense of worth that is internally defined. Make decisions that are internally validated.
- Cultivate self-awareness and intentional decision-making: Reflect on your goals, values, feelings, and the motivations behind your decisions and behaviors. If you realize that you are prompted to act by external expectations, values, and beliefs, then you may want to reassess how to proceed. Don’t accept externally-imposed choices or make decisions unconsciously. You are the only one who can choose to walk your path. Take the time to align with your inner self and make decisions accordingly.
Harmonizing external guidance with internal wisdom can create powerful synergy, but it is important to remember that external sources are like a map that provides the lay of the land. Maps can offer suggestions for the available paths to take, but it is our internal guidance that should selects the path. Rely on it to make choices and decisions in life. By doing so, you will chart a path that will feel uniquely yours while remaining open to the richness of the world around you.